Why I don't want to be happy

With it now being 2015, there are a few new years resolutions popping up (though I must say I am seeing more people complaining about other people making resolutions rather than people actually making resolutions) and the most popular one seems to be the pursuit of happiness. 

I mean, there's nothing wrong with wanting to not be miserable and to enjoy life in general but I feel like it's such a - excuse me - lazy resolution.  Let's face it, being 'happy' is unrealistic and, dare I say, overrated. I feel like I am going to get a lot of crap for this but keep on reading.

The photo above has been circling around and I've seen it about a couple dozens time now. Bless the people who truly wants to achieve such an unachievable goal as they are the real dreamers and maybe I should strive to be more like them.  Truth is, you can never really be genuinely, intensely and consistently happy. Life will have moments of happiness but where I am going with this, is that there is always a constant reminder with everything in life that all is temporary. 

I may be coming off a little hypocritical here (but c'mon, who isn't?) as I have said that choosing 'happiness' as a goal is both lazy and unachievable. The reason why I believe it is lazy is because happiness will come to you one way or another without a doubt, no matter if it's a happiness as small as making the perfect cup of coffee on a rainy day. It is also unachievable if you are striving to be genuinely and intensely happy consistently. You can have a happy year and a happy life without being happy all the time you lived it.

This isn't a post made to slate anyone who has this goal. It's more to talk about my goals and what I want to achieve, actually. Maybe I should get to it. I probably should. Yeah.

I try extremely hard to be a good person. A person with morals and someone who does not cause pain to others. I have this little motto that I like to constantly remind myself of a regular basis and that is to always see things from all angles first. This can be applied to many things, the main one is that if I am hearing a story or a gossip I remind myself that what I hear is never a 100% accurate or truthful. There is a whole other side of the story. 

I try to help people and be kind and to not cause pain but, truth is, I am a very bitter and judgemental person who holds grudges. It's ugly.

Rather than picking 'happiness' as a goal I have come up with a few that are, in my opinion, better. There are some that are more detailed but other basic goals that are miles better than to just be 'happy' includes:
  • To stay motivated
  • To be driven
  • To be optimistic
Just those three alone, I feel like it can really help improve you as a person and also affect the way other people see you (and how you see the world). It may not be achieving true or genuine happiness but it's pretty damn close. To things that are a little more personal for me are:

Learn to let shit go

I care too much about way too many things. I am a deeply emotional and sensitive person and due to this, any kind of conflicts or clash I experience, I will hold onto that for dear life. Memories, words, mistakes... you name it, I most likely attach to it like a leech. 

One of the many reasons why I have stopped writing in my journal was because I already have a hard time letting things go. I used to think that memories are important but if they are negative ones then keeping them around will not benefit anyone and will only ruin me. My journal was full of very raw and morose emotions. It was private so my thoughts were unfiltered and it's not a good place for me to revisit. 

If you have ever wronged me in any ways or hurt me or made me cry and I told you that it was ok and that I am over it, I'm not. I am constantly thinking and replaying everything.  So that's why, from now on I need to learn to forget and move on. I will [try] to let go of all the pain that others have caused me and forgive as that will truly help me in taking the step forward.

Not be so judgemental 

I try very hard to not be a judgemental asshole but, as human beings, I feel like this is something that's been built into us in a way where we can't simply say 'ok I am not going to do that anymore' and then comply. It's not a habit, at times you really can't choose what you think inside your head. Whether it is positive or negative we are constantly judging everything and everyone around us.

Oh, you see that girl's shoes and you think they're cute? Judging.

Ah, I see that you think that guy's hair cut makes him look like an umpa lumpa. Judging.

Sometimes I think, "Can you shut up about your boyfriend already, every single photo of you on instagram is of you two, every single tweet is about him and the countless photos of you two kissing makes me uncomfortable" and other times I think, "Hey, that is a bit unfair. Why is it that when boys 'shows off' their girlfriend and talk about her it's considered 'cute'  but when the role is reversed it's considered 'annoying'?"

I think very bad thoughts and I guess I can give myself a small pat on the back that I don't say half of the things I think out loud. I still say some of it though, which is something I really should stop. Am I beginning to ramble a little here? I feel like I am, I do that too much (I should also stop that, too). To tie the knot, I'd just say that if people are doing things that do not directly involve me or hurt anyone then I literally should not give a crap and not utter a word on it at all. 

Oh, can I just say real quick how proud I am that during the world cup I didn't watch a single match and I never ever said or made a status or comment on it? This is not me being all 'oh I'm too cool for your mainstream bullshit' but it was just something that didn't interest me and I didn't try to put anyone down for enjoying it. I mean, yeah, I'm not into football and watching it gives me no pleasure but for the fans out there who do then let them. They only get it once every four years so just let them ride the wave out. 

End the comparison

Many people compare themselves to others and I feel like this is possibly one of the main causes for people being miserable. Girls especially, we are on a constant unspoken competition with each other. I mean, I feel pretty protective of girls and very much for sisterhood and for them to wear whatever and do whatever they want with themselves without harsh comments from others. However, saying this, any time I have been involved with girls in my life they have made me cry and made me feel pretty shitty about myself. I think this is the reason why I don't like talking to too many people or having casual friends.  (Irrelevant? Irrelevant.)

I want to stop comparing myself to everyone I see. I want to stop thinking that I'm not good enough, not pretty enough or not smart enough. These thoughts have driven me almost crazy as, not only am I already deeply insecure about the way I look or of the way I am as a person, also being someone that finds it almost impossible to let things go those thoughts are constantly circling my mind.

Once I find acceptance in myself and stop comparing, maybe I'll become prettier because my thoughts will be prettier (I can dream ok).

Always have an open mind

This have some relations to my point on to not be as judgemental but it also expands onto other elements. I don't want to say no to things so quickly, I want to always be open to try new things and experiences.  Whenever I meet new people I want to have an open mind and up to learn new things about them and not judge. 

Care a little less

I care way too much about what people think of me, even people who don't even know me and people who probably don't mean anything to me. It makes me so paranoid and anxious thinking about what people could think of me based on what they've heard or what they've been told, I think this is one of the main reasons why I like to remind myself that there's always more than one sides of the story and to not believe everything I hear because there are people out there who will believe every single thing they are told without giving it a second thought.

Please can I just not care about irrelevant people's opinions about me? That'll be great.


I think this is all I have to say. If any of these sounds good to you then I hope you use it, too.

P.S. If you are one of those people who has to constantly be so bitter and negative and put others down for trying to be better as a person or using the new year as a jump start, then I suggest you re-evaluate your life and think about other things that actually matter. 

I understand that you can make a change any other time but if someone wants to use the new year as when they start then let them be. Are they hurting anyone? No. Does it affect you and your life in anyway? No.

Who cares if they can't keep up with their resolution? If they tried then at least they have that, there's genuinely no need for you to come and parade over it. 

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